He’s in the middle of all of this & I keep missing Him because I’m too busy looking for Him. And yes, the greatest ideas do come to me when I’m studying an hour and a half before I’m supposed to take an exam, and not while I’m perfectly calm and sitting over coffee, but that is really okay with me.
He keeps showing up. In office hours and documentaries and abandoned warehouses, He keeps showing up. He is more gracious & more patient & slower to jump to anything than I will ever be. And remembering all of this is what gets me lost in the beauty, which is exactly where I need to be to be found. Thank You, Jesus.
Side note for your day: If you ever want to feel incredibly & undeniably alive, walk in the pouring rain. I learned that this past week. That will do it for you. And another side note: it’s supposed to rain all week, so try it out & don’t let storms get you down. You can find Him in a thunderstorm. He will come to us like rain. Slowly & undeniably.
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3 MSG
When You stand, I feel the floor of Heaven tremble…and in a crowd of 10,000, You don’t miss a thing.
I’ve worked long & hard on this one. I tried to comprise all my gifts & glorify Him through this writing. I used everything in me to handcraft this. Here it is. Here’s the state of my heart:
My heart’s a mess. My head’s a mess. My life’s a mess. My to-do lists are a mess. My schedule’s a mess. And maybe that’s because finals are 2 weeks away & graduation is 3, but maybe it’s also because that’s how it’s always been. And I don’t mind sharing that with you, the messy state of my life. I mean, I think that’s why we’re all here together: to share & revel in each other’s messy lives & delight in our time together. And somehow in all that messiness, things have been falling together, in the best way possible. I love doing life, especially with Jesus. I love love love doing this whole life thing.
But in all of this brokenness & delighting in each other’s messiness, we still get to make our own decisions. I value opinions, but I’m starting to let myself understand that just because I value people’s opinions does not mean I will let them make my decisions. And I think the faster you realize that, the faster you will find yourself in a happier place. You have the ability to make your own decisions. I may sound like I’m preaching to you, but I’m also saying this to myself because it’s worth repeating. I once had my favorite teacher tell me, “If you don’t like being walked all over, get up off the floor.” More prophetic words have never been spoken. Just kidding…but as simple as that was, it was the hardest thing in the world for me to actually do. It still is. I have to make the decision ever single day when my feet hit the ground to not let people walk all over me because, unfortunately, it’s not something that comes naturally.
People are just people. Surprise. And we’re all broken. And we can’t just go around carrying every ounce of someone’s baggage. It’s just not possible. Most of the time, you can’t even carry all of your own baggage. It’s crippling. And terrifying. Another surprise, I’m sure. But you can’t let the rough stuff define you. You will spend the rest of your life believing the lie that you are unworthy of what God has called you to. Believe me, some days I still put on those shoes.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31
I’ve heard that verse referenced 3 times in the past 2 days (and I refuse to believe that’s just a coincidence), and before that I’d turned that Scripture over in my brain countless times over the past few weeks. You are of value. You are of value. You are of value. He whispers it in the most random moments, but it resounds. In darkness & in light, this never ceases to be true. It will never cease to be true. You are of value. He knows me. He knows you. He knows us. Currently pushing aside the fears of having an intimate relationship with Christ because risking it is worth much more than sitting in darkness.
Risking it is worth everything.