“If there are words for Him, Then, I don’t have them. You see my brain has not yet reached the point where it could form a thought that could adequately describe the greatness of my God. And my lungs – have not yet developed the ability to release a breath with enough agility to breathe out the greatness of His love. And my voice – You see my voice is so inhibited, restrained by human limits, that it’s hard to even send the praise up. You see – if there are words for Him, Then, I don’t have them. My God, His Grace is remarkable, Mercies are innumerable, strength is impenetrable. He is honorable, accountable, favorable. He’s UNSEARCHABLE yet knowable. INDEFINABLE yet approachable. INDESCRIBABLE yet personal. He is beyond comprehension, Further than imagination. Constant through generations, King of every nation. But if there are words for Him, Then, I don’t have them. You see my words are few, and in trying to capture the one true God, using my vocabulary would never do, but I use words as an expression. An expression of worship – to A SAVIOR. A Savior who is both worthy and deserving of my praise, so I use words (SELAH). My heart EXTOLS the Lord, blesses His name forever. He has won my heart, captured my mind and has – bound them both together. He has DEFEATED me in my rebellion, CONQUERED me in my sin. He has WELCOMED me into His presence, completely invited me in. He has made Himself the object of my sight, flooding me with mercies in the morning, drowning me with grace in the night. But if there are words for Him, Then, I don’t have them. But what I DO HAVE is: GOOD NEWS. For my God knew that man-made words – would never do. The words are just tools – that we use to point to the Truth, so He sent His Son Jesus Christ as – THE Word. LIVING PROOF. He is the image of the invisible God, the FIRST BORN of all Creation. For by Him all things were created giving nothingness – FORMATION, and by His Word He sustains in the POWER of His name. For He is before all things – And over all things He reigns. HOLY is His name. So PRAISE HIM for His life (SELAH), the way he persevered in strife. The humble Son of God becoming the – PERFECT SACRIFICE. PRAISE HIM for His death (SELAH). That He willingly stood in our place, that He lovingly endured the grave, that He BATTLED our Enemy, and on the THIRD DAY ROSE in victory (SELAH). He is everything that was promised. Praise Him as the Risen King, Lift your voice and sing, for one day He will return for us, and we will finally be – united with our Savior for eternity, ETERNITY (SELAH). So it’s not just words that I proclaim, for my words point to The Word, and The Word has a name: HOPE has a name! JOY has a name! PEACE has a name! LOVE has a name! And that name is JESUS CHRIST! PRAISE. HIS NAME. FOREVER!”
– Isaac Wimberley (Spoken word in Kari Jobe’s “Forever”)
As you can probably tell from the videos above, I’ve been lying in my bed watching slam poetry for a majority of the afternoon. And I have absolutely no regrets about that.
It sure feels like fall today, and it’s so incredibly beautiful. It makes me want to drink black coffee, listen to Taylor Swift songs over and over again, and just jump into a pile of colorful leaves. We should come up with a name for that feeling.
That’s one of my favorite things in the world to do: name moments and feelings.
And tonight I’m focused on moments & that’s really all I can think about.
“There are moments in life when it is all turned inside out–what is real becomes unreal, what is unreal becomes tangible, and all your levelheaded efforts to keep a tight ontological control are rendered silly and indulgent.” – Aleksandar Hemon, The Lazarus Project
Have you really ever stopped and thought about different moments in your life? Destiny-changing moments. What if I hadn’t met her? What if I wouldn’t have listened to God in that moment? What if I had said no? What moments have changed the entire trajectory of my life? I think these might be the questions that come out of being at the library at 11 o’clock at night & desperately not wanting to pick up a textbook or vocab list, or they might just be really fantastic, food-for-thought questions. These are the kind of moments you hear about in Taylor Swift songs or the fuel behind some really incredible stories. Honestly, I think all great things are fueled by certain moments. That hit song had to have been written after a spark in a particular moment. Or that best-selling novel somehow came out of an author in a split-second moment at a coffee shop, and he thought, “Surely, this will be good.” And maybe this is just me rambling like every other blog post you’ve ever read from me, or maybe I struck something.
Think about your big moments. I have mine. Saying yes to Him. Saying this is something I want to fight for. Saying no one will ever feel this way again because of this person. Saying I have something worth hearing. Saying yes to Berry. Saying I want to be crazy tonight. Saying it’s okay to live a little bit. Saying no to someone and being okay with it. Saying you cannot treat me this way. Saying this is something I want to pursue.
You have a story worth telling & a voice worth hearing. Please, I beg of you, do not let anybody tell you differently. You have a beautiful story of redemption, or a few. I encourage you to pinpoint these moments & name them. It really makes them that much more special & I once heard that naming moments and pointing them to God really does glorify Him. It shows Him you see them as important. They are important. And it’s important to share your stories.
And on another note, something else I’ve realized over the past few weeks & in this moment in particular: I think it’s really easy to pretend or want to be like someone else. The hard thing is to be yourself, especially in a place where the world tells you you’re wrong or you can do better or look better or sound better or act better or be better. Better better better. Especially when you’re surrounded by so many amazing people. I’ve found it extremely difficult some days to sit in my own skin and really like who I am. It is rare that I wake up and go an entire 24 hours thinking, “Wow. You’re a good person, Jenna. Keep on keepin’ on.” I’m not sure if that’s ever happened actually. How many times a day do you think, “I’m enough”? The answer you’re probably thinking of: not many. There is a slew of self-doubting moments and mirror glances and little drawbacks throughout every one of my days. You are enough though. Because God’s grace is sufficient enough. You are doing and being enough. I wish there were a more eloquent way to word that, but there isn’t. YOU ARE ENOUGH. How do I get past these self-doubting, mirror-glancing, hateful moments or stop thinking these horrible thoughts about myself & just realize I’m doing & being enough?
I’m sorry to announce that I don’t have the answer to that question yet, but I’m working on it, so I’ll let you know. However, I do know I’m not the only person to ever feel this way, which is comforting. The cliche or stereotypical answers: Get in the Word. Talk to God. Listen to Him. Lean into Him. And I know these are the correct answers, but I feel like a hypocrite saying them when I can’t believe them. I’ll get there though. I know I will. It’s a learning experience, every single day.
I’m learning more and more about the Lord. How to lean into Him. How to listen to Him. The importance of prayer. The importance of listening. The importance of a relationship with Him & how it’s really not as complicated as I’m making it out to be. God is here. God is now. God is constant.
And now, I think it’s time to crawl into bed & sleep for a few days (just kidding, but wouldn’t that be nice?). Have a happy rest of your week, sweet friends.