Unpredictable Happiness.

Today has been one of those days where I’m just happy about everything. The sound of coffee brewing. Watching the sun rise over the baseball field from my dorm window. Having a good hair day. Lipstick stains on the edge of my coffee mug. Feeling well rested (I suppose it helps that I fell asleep around 9 o’clock last night). Good music to wake up with. Being all organized with my planner & a full to-do list. A healthy breakfast (A.K.A. I didn’t eat a Pop-Tart). The excitement from dinner plans with a special friend I haven’t seen in quite a while. Just an overall incredible day.

And aside from the superficial things, I have had so many moments that I have known I am present. Truly living in the moment, whether it be on a lunch date/meeting at Panera or watching a new friend try on wedding dresses. Yes, a dear friend (whom I have known for a week and a half) asked me if I wanted to join her while she tried on wedding dresses. You can bet your bottom dollar that I said yes. I think weddings are so magical. And her face when she tried on one of her favorite dresses thus far…priceless. She looked so beautiful, and the whole moment was just…wow. No words. So there’s me being all sappy for the day.

However, I have found that lately, there will be moments throughout my day when I just hit a little sad spot. I wallow for a few minutes, and I haven’t figured out why yet. Sad memories or depressing quotes or homesickness come into my mind. Or maybe empowering quotes after a depressing moment. Or when Anna Rose and I watched My Girl. Ooh, what a heart breaker. Or when I read the news that Robin Williams had taken his own life. I immediately had flashbacks to my 12th grade AP English class. ALL girls, by coincidence, and it was the best class I have ever had. One day (actually over the span of a few days), we watched Dead Poets Society. This movie will ROCK. YOUR. WORLD. In an amazing/earth-shattering/eye-opening way. On the first day of starting this movie, I will be honest, I did not think I was going to enjoy it, but then it just cycled into all of these events that just captivated me. One quote in particular has stuck with me since seeing it:

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, ‘O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?’ Answer: that you are here; that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

Soak that in for a second. I know that’s a lot for one quote. Please tell me you felt something from reading it. Please tell me it moved your heart in the darkest places, that it made you realize you have one life. You have one time to shake this earth & fight the beautiful fight. You have one chance to change the lives of other people & to change the hearts of those around you. Now, I could go on my for hours about how you have it in you. Do you understand how incredible you are? It is by God’s grace that you are sitting here reading this post from your phone or your computer. That means that you are alive & you are able. You have it in you to change the world. You have it in you to leave fingerprints on the people around you. And do you know how grateful they will be for those fingerprints? I don’t know about you, but I always find myself thinking about the moments that have shaped the person I am today, and the people in those moments have given me some of the traits I now possess. Let’s compare ourselves to pieces of clay, and you are now shaped the way you are because of the people who have crushed, smoothed, and molded you. However, have you ever stopped to think that you are the one crushing, smoothing, or molding somebody else’s piece of clay? I know I hadn’t until this very moment. If you take one thing away from this blog post, let it be this: Your words matter. Your words take a toll on people, so use them to better people, praise them, and lift them up. 

But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” – Isaiah 64:8 ESV

And as cliche as this may sound: Will you use your words for good? Take that into consideration. I know I get annoyed easily, and I am so quick to make assumptions or snide remarks, which I am working on. Maybe just think, Oh, well maybe this person got some bad news today or just had a really bad morning. People are the way they are for a reason. Generally, there will be reasons for why they act and react the way they do, so please “be kind, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle you know nothing about” (I usually hate cliches, but these are true, people). I have that quote hanging in my dorm because everybody needs that reminder sometimes. Sometimes, all you can do is love someone & sometimes, that’s all they really need. They don’t need your advice, but rather words of affirmation. They don’t need your pity, but maybe they just need someone to listen, so listen. Be there. Be present.

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To finish this off: I wish for you nothing but days that make you happy you are alive. Deep conversations over hot coffee. New dresses that make you feel beautiful in your own skin. Love affairs with novels that make you sad they came to an end. Letters taped to your door or tucked into your planner from people who brighten your day. Stargazing with people who give you butterflies, the good kind. Moments when you are in God’s Word and something beautiful just hits you so hard. Finding extra pieces to your puzzle. Food so amazing that all you can do is thank God for creating it. Prayer that leaves you feeling refreshed. Journal entries that make you feel like a weight has been lifted. Ice cold lemonade on super humid, August days. Jam sessions in cars with the windows down and the music up (because that is the only way a jam session can be done). Worship that cripples you and brings you to your knees. Running errands with friends who you are comfortable around. Gatherings where you find God in the chaos and excitement. Moments where you truly realize what an amazing God you serve.

Another thing I took from my AP Lit class was this poem. It will break your heart & restore it, all at the same time, so enjoy.

“My clumsiest dear, whose hands shipwreck vases,
At whose quick touch all glasses chip and ring,
Whose palms are bulls in china, burs in linen,
And have no cunning with any soft thing

Except all ill-at-ease fidgeting people:
The refugee uncertain at the door
You make at home; deftly you steady
The drunk clambering on his undulant floor.

Unpredictable dear, the taxi drivers’ terror,
Shrinking from far headlights pale as a dime
Yet leaping before apopleptic streetcars—
Misfit in any space. And never on time.

A wrench in clocks and the solar system. Only
With words and people and love you move at ease;
In traffic of wit expertly maneuver
And keep us, all devotion, at your knees.

Forgetting your coffee spreading on our flannel,
Your lipstick grinning on our coat,
So gaily in love’s unbreakable heaven
Our souls on glory of spilt bourbon float.

Be with me, darling, early and late. Smash glasses—
I will study wry music for your sake.
For should your hands drop white and empty
All the toys of the world would break.”

– “Love Poem” by John Frederick Nims

Have a wonderful rest of your week & I hope you find joy in the little things.

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