TBM.

Total Berry Move.

That is what this blogging fetish has been referred to as (Thank you, Sam, if you’re reading this). Blogging is a total Berry move. And I am totally okay & in love with the idea of that.

When I first came onto the idea of creating a blog, I figured I would post once a week, just so I wouldn’t overload with the writing and blogging, but I am quickly realizing that I enjoy it too much to limit myself. Therefore, I will blog to my heart’s desire.

On Monday night, I felt the closest I have ever gotten to God. It felt like that small space into Heaven was right between my fingers. Millions of stars. Everywhere. The Savior of the world pulsing inside of me. In that moment, all I could imagine was 1) this is exactly what Heaven will be like, and 2) I could hear Him whisper, “Look at what I have created for you. Bask in its beauty. Take in this moment.” And that is exactly what I did. I could feel the twinkle of each star on my skin. Although there were people around me and fears to be faced, I felt full. I was completely full of every emotion the Lord could have filled me with. I was on the verge of tears, but also on the edge of feeling so alive. My cup was overflowing, and I don’t think I have ever felt so overwhelmed with emotion without any words or a message being spoken to me. Just the stars and my God staring at me. In that moment, I could feel my Savior say, “This is why.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I feel, I feel deep. I am an emotional person, and not just emotional in the crying sense, but I feel everything so deeply. I used to curse this quality because even the smallest of things could send me over the edge. Whenever I find myself saying “emotional,” it comes out like a curse word. I don’t like it. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. However, that word is slowly but surely taking new meaning, and now I’m learning to praise my God for giving me this quality of feeling things this way. It’s probably because I’m not the most present person, so when I find myself being present, which is a rare occasion, I become a sponge and soak it all in. I become emotional. I hate to admit that I’m not a present person, but I am always focused on my to-do list, what’s happening tomorrow, or what’s happening a year from now. I rarely find myself living in the moment.

However, Berry is changing that. I can feel myself being more and more present with each day that comes. Whether it be in deep, theological conversation with people in the office or just staring up at the stars God hung in the highest parts of the universe, I’ve started to soak it all in. The emotional side is coming back into me (the good emotional side), and I’m proud of it.

photo 4

Someone once told me that right on the other side of the things you’re afraid of is usually what God needs you to know or see. He’s waiting to reveal these things to you, but you have to take that step. I believe that some things you have to meet God halfway for Him to reveal these things to you, like conquering your fears, but I think that other things, He just blatantly shows you. I will be honest: I often question where the line is drawn between those things. What will it take for God to straight up reveal something to me or am I supposed to be making the next move? It’s not my kind of dance, and I think it’s tricky, but I think if you’re listening to God, you will know. There will be a contentment and a fullness in you to tell you what He wants. Going back to that person who told me what God would reveal through my fears: boy, was that person right. After conquering my fears, I had the ability to soak in something truly great. I was full. I had climbed to new heights, and God had captivated my soul.

You are complete. Here is your purpose: to realize how truly alive you are, to be present in these moments, to take it all in. Be a learner. Let my thoughts become your thoughts. I will comfort you. Look at these stars, dear child. Look at how beautiful you see them as, yet I still placed you first. Do you know how beautiful that makes you? Do you know how I see you? Look through my eyes. If you only knew how truly loved and cherished you are , my child. If you only knew.


One of my favorite things is that going to church and accepting Jesus is a fairly recent thing for me (a little over a year), so pretty much any worship song I hear is new to me. I heard “I Could Sing of Your Love Forever” for the first time at Passion City’s The Grove, and my small group leader told me she had been singing that in kindergarten. I also fell in love with “Hosanna” at the Passion Conference. Also another oldie. Gotta love it. Well, at house church this weekend, we sang this song (another old-ish song, but still it was new to me), and I knew these were the exact words Jesus wanted me to hear.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I am learning to lose myself in praising my God, and that usually isn’t a thing for me. I am a very structured and obedient person who needs rules and guidelines and schedules for everyday life. I know, that sounds extremely boring. However, in just a month in a new place, physically and mentally, I am losing myself and in a good way. Jesus has arrested my heart, and it has been the best thing to ever happen to me.

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Another new thing for me: I am exploring further into photography. I had come onto the chaplain’s office staff with a little bit of experience in photography, and I wanted to kind of branch out and expand my knowledge for all things photo related. Their amazing photographer had recently graduated, so I was kind of brought into that as well. Side note: I love having a bunch of jobs in this office because I’m able to get a taste for everything. Ministry, graphic design, photography, and I’m sure the list will grow.

Anyways, my job this week was to go around campus and learn what this new camera could do. It has been incredible. I climbed to the top of the chapel with hopes of shooting some pictures from a different perspective (and continuing to conquer my fear of heights), but sadly, after climbing up some large, rickety ladders, we discovered a wasps nest right outside the door, and I just wasn’t about conquering that fear that day. There are so many beautiful places on campus to take pictures though. I found myself in Barnwell yesterday, which is a little log cabin-esque chapel on campus. Everything from the lighting to the stained-glass windows was so unbelievably beautiful. Again, God was showing me new way in which I feel His love. I’m learning my love language with God, and I couldn’t be happier.

Alright, so this was a little long-winded, but I hope you’re enjoying hearing about all of my adventures at Berry because I’m having a wonderful time living this out.

Barnwell

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!'”

Isaiah 6:8 NIV

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One thought on “TBM.

  1. So very proud of you, Jenna Johnson. You have a gift and I love seeing you use it to make big of Jesus. We love you, miss you, and pray for you often. Keep pressing in, girl

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